Recently, many couples have wondered whether living together before marriage is a good choice. Because it was so unique, people didn’t need to think about it. But it’s becoming a more prevalent practice. But there’s a lot to consider before moving in together!
First, you and your partner must discuss and agree on your aims. Do you want to live together to test whether you are compatible? Do you want to live in together to avoid (or postpone) marriage? If so, why?
This dialogue is vital since not communicating your objectives can lead to future issues. The ultimate objective is marriage, but not just any marriage, but one full of love, happiness, and health.
Living together before marriage: Good or bad?
Let’s jump to the positives and negatives of living together before marriage.
Strengths:
Will you share the accounts
This is a common motive for couples to live together before marriage. Most healthy couples already live together. They may spend more time at each other’s houses than on their own. So, stop paying two leases, two power and internet bills, and more.
While this is a positive for moving in together, you must be financially savvy. It’s easy to spend the additional money you’ll save without even realizing it. Better to save the money and invest it in the future.
You avoid future unwanted surprises
Sharing a home may be difficult. When you share a home with your parents, siblings, or kids, they may all annoy you. It’s simply a fact.
Getting to know someone’s routines is difficult while dating or in a committed love engagement. When you’re initially dating, you don’t notice or remember some of your partner’s unpleasant behaviors. It’s adorable, maybe. But with time, what you thought was adorable becomes sour.
Imagine if you had never lived together before getting married and suffered a mental crisis when you moved in together. “This individual irritates me because they never wash the dishes!”
If you live together before marriage, you’ll be more prepared and have fewer shocks.
You will grow closer and build a strong bond
Intimacy is vital in every relationship, but particularly in marriages. Not only do I mean physical/sexual, but also emotional closeness. Intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and volitional closeness are all significant forms of intimacy.
Introducing volitional intimacy. This closeness is about commitments made between two individuals. If you purchase a home, vehicle, or dog jointly, you’re committing to each other (regardless of whether you are married or not). And living together embodies such a connection.
When a couple shares all of these sorts of closeness, their bond grows. So living together will test your ability to build and sustain intimacy before marriage. If so, it will improve your relationship and give you more confidence to marry in the future.
Negative points:
Family and/or friends may not approve of the idea of living together before marriage
Everyone has an opinion. And whether you ask for it or not, most people want to know. However, doing anything without the approval of family or friends might be challenging.
Bad if the couple’s relatives and friends oppose the relocation. Even if one of you has a disapproving family, it may still create issues. The spouse whose family approves may not comprehend why the other does not.
In severe cases, one of you may lose ties with family or friends. So think about it before you decide to move in together.
Lack of support can weaken your relationship
Whether you’ll marry or not, living together with your spouse is a major choice. Living with someone else is not simple. Having someone around you might help you feel less lonely, but it also has its drawbacks.
So, if you don’t have social support, it will likely negatively affect your relationship. There may be tension and anger between you two.
Living with someone may be difficult at times. You’ll understand if you’ve ever shared a room. So, without a proper support structure, you might jeopardize your relationship by introducing new challenges to your spouse.
You will save, but it can weaken the relationship when you live together before marriage
When you are single or live alone, you have total financial authority. Nobody can tell you how to spend your money. But moving in with someone else may alter that.
You may have your individual bank accounts but split the expenditures. You will need to decide how the rent/mortgage will be paid or who will pay for the groceries, and you may have quite different ideas.